So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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