with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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