if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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