I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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