If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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