theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
