meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
