I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
