So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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