Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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