Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
foreskin is a definite game changer
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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