Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I pour the whiskey from now on
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
