Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
