john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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