Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
