Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
