Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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