I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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