Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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