How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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