matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
