I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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