It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
