It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
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i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
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She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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