soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
