i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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