The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
