Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
