Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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