He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
