i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
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I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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