he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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