Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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