walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
