4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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