my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
