How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
