Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
