end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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