I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i drank out of a bidet.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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