Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
