Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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