When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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