It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
whose ass print is on the piano?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
