I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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