Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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