I think I died a long time ago.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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