Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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