Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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