I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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