Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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