I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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