these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
