TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
