Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
