Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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