Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dear god my vagina.
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