Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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