he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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