he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
