Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
