My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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