I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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