My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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