I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
